Doubting Catie

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Days like today remind me that I should be journaling what the Lord is doing in my life and in my son’s lives. I don’t want to forget all He does for me. I want The Lord to be glorified and I want my stories to point you to Him. There are a lot of weary moms out there and I know the Source of Strength so who am I not to share my Source with you! So, here goes…my first blog.

The one thing that I know for sure God has called me to do is to be a mom of sons. I have two of them. Right now, they are 15 years old and 10 years old. They are the joy of my life! Some days it’s all laughter and just plain fun but then there are days when I question if I’m a good mom. Am I raising them according to how I think they should be raised or according to how God has called me to raise them? Am I being too hard on them? Am I being too soft? Do they read their bible enough? Are they going to love Jesus more than anything and pursue Him over everything? Did we ruin their lives by divorcing? How will they ever be real men who lead their families in spiritual strength when they aren’t seeing a man lead them in their own home? These are just a few questions that invade my thoughts some days.

Yesterday was one of those days when the questions invaded. My 15 year old sent me a text message. “When can I start texting her? Your little boy is growing up!” I simply replied with “let’s talk about it when you get home…that’s not a no…we just need to talk about some things first.” Then a tiny little wave of panic rushes over me…but just as quickly, when I utter “Jesus help!” His peace covers me. So I prayed about it, asked for direction and then moved into action because if I don’t obey immediately, I have a tendency to doubt and procrastinate. So I picked up the phone and called her mom. Fortunately, God had allowed us to meet the week prior, so she knew who I was. I told her that my son had asked if he could text her daughter. I wanted to be sure it was okay with her that they are texting. I also wanted to ensure her that I monitor my son’s phone activity. But I also needed to warn her that I was kind of an old-fashioned mom (which in my mind translates to being a controlling, crazy mom in this moment). Panic sets in again. I whisper His name, take a deep breath and tell her…my son will need to come by to see you to ask your permission to text your daughter. She said ok, like it was no big deal, but in my mind I am thinking that she thinks I’m crazy! I explained to her that I wanted my son to not only be accountable to me but to know that he is accountable to her parents as well. I wanted them to know that he respects them and their daughter.

Now came the tough part. The talk with my son. “I have to do what? Nobody does that! Why do I have to do that mom? Are you kidding me?” “No son, I’m not kidding you. Nobody does that, but does that mean they shouldn’t? Remember when you were in the 6th grade and you told me you were glad that you weren’t like everyone else? Remember telling me that you liked being you! Well, this is part of being you and being you sometimes means you have to do things differently than the world does them.” Needless to say, he wasn’t happy about it but he agreed to do it.

After I tucked my boys into bed, I started questioning if I was being too weird about this. I woke up still doubting, so I did the only thing I know to do to relieve doubt…spend time in The Lord’s presence. Later in the day, I got a text message from a friend. She said “so are you the awesome mom that contacted the (last name) family ? WHAT? How did she know!!?? She tells me to hold on, then she sends me this screenshot (I blacked out names for privacy):

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Yep, I cried. He immediately erased all of the doubt! How faithful The Lord was to reassure me that I am doing what He has asked me to do.

We allow Satan to creep into our thoughts and plant doubt. “Did God really tell me to do that or am I just trying to be controlling again?” Nope, it’s time to shut him up and trust the voice of your Father! What has Father God asked you to do that seems crazy and against what the world thinks is normal? Don’t hesitate…trust Him completely because He is so trustworthy. He is faithful. He is good and you can trust Him!

Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”